The Lighthouse & Paul

We also volunteer our time at The Lighthouse! The Lighthouse is a ministry for the homeless. Boy is God teaching me about love! I have always held this arrogance towards the homeless and if I'm really honest with myself I would say that I still do. But it's only been 2 weeks. One of my missionary friends here, Stephanie Luke, has been volunteering for several months now and when I thought my work at Abbey was going to be slow I decided I would go outside and volunteer my time.

I was, of course, a little scared the first time. I was just behind the counter my first time helping. It was amazing to see how many homeless people came in and to think that this is only a fraction of how many homeless people there really are. The more amazing thing was thinking about how I could be just like them... well, I am just like them, but how God could suddenly take everything away from me to where my total dependence would be on Him. And that might not be so bad. To experience total surrender and giving ALL I have to Him... my WHOLE life. Now that's living life on the edge, true faith.

I had the opportunity to go on a short term mission trip with my church in Nashville, West End CC. During our time we helped renovate Paul's apartment. When I first met Paul I stereotyped him right away! As we were waiting for Chuck, Paul's brother-in-law and a missionary that West End supports, we decided to sit in the hotel lounge that we were standing in front of. I couldn't help but look around and notice everyone looking at us. I knew EXACTLY what they were thinking, because I've thought it SO many times! "Those Americans trying to Christianize the homeless druggie. They don't know that he's just scamming them. He's got them eating out of his hands." I've always passed over the drugged out sleepers begging for money on the streets. I've never given them a time of day. I'm not even sure if I've prayed for them. God is opening my eyes.

My grinch-like heart grew with love for Paul. He is an amazing person! He's so extremely talented, humble, accepting, and has one of the most joyful singing voices I've ever heard. He kept talking about how not only was there a drastic outward change in his apartment, but there he had a clean and changed heart.

I saw Paul in the homeless people I served. I had to keep reminding myself last week that I am no better then any of the people I serve. In fact, I don't deserve to serve them. Last week was so heartbreaking! Because there was a lot of us helping I was volunteered to sit out with the homeless (Homeless is starting to bug me, so I'm changing the name to 'the blessed')

One of the volunteer's, Liz, asked me to go with her as she helped a lady, Elizabeth, find some clothes. They have clothes downstairs that they give the blessed when they need it. As we were looking for her sizes Liz kept conversations going with her. At one point she asks Elizabeth if she can pray with or for her. Elizabeth was not keen on this idea. I only heard part of her story because I was interrupted a few times.

Elizabeth basically told us her life story. I'm going to choose to believe it because there was a deep pain that lying just can do. Here's her story: She has experienced every kind of tragedy known to man. She has been molested, rapped several times, she moved to England and while there was kidnapped and had a gun stuck down her throat. She was put into the witness protection programme for about 12 years. She had about 12 miscarriages or still-borns. Her two surving children are with their grandmother. Under the witness protection programme her identity was Missy, and has a hard time saying her real name. But she prefers being called by her real name. She came to us with bandages on her arms where she tried to commit suicide. My heart BREAKS for her!!!! I struggle with not believing her story because it seems so unreal, but she was in SO much pain!! Liz prayed, and I prayed the whole time she was talking. We gave her two LONG hugs which she appreciated so much. She says she was a Christian but after everything she can't see how God would do this to her. How do you tell someone that God does love them when so much horrible things have happened?!?! How do you give them hope? How do you speak of God's goodness and righteousness? How do you explain to them that God really is good? All I could tell her was that I was SO glad that she was there and I hoped to see her next Thursday. She kept asking, "Why are you glad I came? I'm not different than anyone else? I've been through a lot but that doesn't make me any special." I told her that she's been through so much and has survived it for this long that she must be an amazingly strong woman! She told Liz right before she left that she did feel better. Only God, it's only God!

I'm no better. It could easily happen to me. Why does this happen to certain people and not to others? I have no idea! I wish there was an easy answer. How do you tell the blessed that they truly are loved by God? How do you tell them that there is a hope? Pray Pray PRAY!!